


The Blue Eyed Demon.

by Ayakox



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Illusions, Jealousy, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-11 23:22:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11724723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayakox/pseuds/Ayakox
Summary: A mighty demon is about to get rid of his prison.The warlock in charge to keep him imprisoned is dead and the Institute need another warlock to lock him for good.After their break up Alec decided to not bother Magnus anymore, but they really need the High Warlock of Brooklyn's help...





	1. We need your help

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most difficult fan fiction I've ever written and I really hope to finish it.
> 
> I'm an italian girl and English is not my first language so I apologize for any possible mistakes you could find x)

 

Toc. Toc. Toc.

  
  


The warlock turned his head toward the door. He wasn't waiting any visitor and it was pretty late for a courtesy call. Chairman Meow rose his head from Magnus' lap, meowing, looking the closed door. His tail was moving lazily and the guy was stroking his fur between his ears. He had the feeling to know already who was knocking at his door. He felt a twinge in his chest and swallowed silently strengthening his hold on the glass in his hand. He took some seconds to decide what to do: find out who was knocking at his door or just let them go away. After all he wasn't waiting no one and it was too late for a client to come and ask him something, no matter how much he was willing to pay for it. But inside his heart he knew who was waiting on the other side of the door. He knew who he was and it made so difficult to just ignore that knocking.

  
  


Magnus sighed and, moving one hand, he opened the door. Some blue sparkles erupted from his fingertips and the door magically opened on its own.

  
  


As soon as Alec appeared on the doorstep, Chairman Meow got up from Magnus' lap and just went down on the floor, running to the Shadowhunters to take some scratch from him. Magnus wasn't sure but he've always thought that even his cat was missing that guy in their home. Alec had become a sort of fondamental part of their daily life and it was really painful to not have him around anymore, among those rooms full of their memories. The guy bent down on his heels just for a second, stroking the cat's fur with his fingertips, before coming in toward Magnus. He was a really beautiful guy. He was tall and thin with large shoulders and black hair. His eyes were blue and once they were also bright and shiny. Now, though, they were darker, as if a sort of shadow was dancing behind their color.

  
  


"What brings you here Ale-" Warlock's voice stopped just in time. He was about to calling him Alexander but that would have been a huge mistake. That was the way he was used to call him when they still were a couple. It was something intimite between them and only Magnus could use that name to speak to him. But now, now that they were no longer together, he was just Alec. He had to be. "-c?" Magnus ended his question, crossing his legs.

  
  


Alec looked at him with his distant gaze. It was really difficult to be there again. That place was full of memories and a part of him still considered that his home even though he came back to the Institute for several weeks already.

  
  


"Work" Alec replied, istantly, as if he wanted to make it clear he wasn't there for begging or apologizing or anything like that. "I asked Jace to come but he said it had to be me because I'm the Head of the Institute" The Shadowhunter lowered his glance looking at his own shoes. He really tried not to come, he didn't want to face that embarassing and painfull conversation with the warlock, but his  _Parabatai_  thought it was necessary for their own wellness. Alec wasn't sure at all it was for that: he felt just sick.

  
  


Magnus raised an eyebrow looking at him. He was always so spontaneus and straightforward he couldn't help but think he was the most honest human being on Earth.

  
  


"It's not forbidden to see each other, Alec." he sighed, at last, drinking a sip from the glass in his hand. "You can talk to me if you need some help. I've chosen to help my people, didn't I? It's my duty to cooperate with you. You don't have to send Jace" 

  
  


"You chose to help your people by leaving me. This is why I  _need_  to send Jace here" Alec admitted incapable of look up to the warlock face. It was too much painful. It was too hard to accept that he was so close he could have touched him but he wasn't allow to. "But, as I was saying, I'm not here for this" Alec cleared his throat and Chairman Meow reached his legs from the doorstep where he stood the whole time from the Shadowshunter arrival. 

  
  


"Some century ago, before you became the High Warlock of Brooklyn, the Institute imprisoned a mighty demon with the help of a local warlock named Theo.  Around the time you came here he left New York and every year he came back to renew his spell and keep that monster locked down there. " He said before a little pause, breathing in. "The warlock is dead. He was coming here for his annual visit and a group of demons attacked him. We couldn't help him in time... I'm sorry" Alec murmured, sadly, bowing his head. Usually warlocks did know each other over time since they were immortal and they have all the time in the world to travel and move and live everywhere and know everyone they had the chance to meet. Magnus, in particular, was a very friendly warlock and he truly cared for his own kind. Judging by his expression, then, it was obvious he knew him.

  
  


"Theo... I didn't know he was in contact with the Institute" he whispered in a low voice, his glance was lost and distant, darkened by sorrow and sadness. "He was a good guy."

  
  


Alec nodded, his lips pressed together in a thin line. "Yeah. He was" He met him just twice in his life but he had good memories of that weird warlock. He was nice and kind and he always had some wise advice to give. Probably he was old enough to feel obliged to share his wisdom.

  
  


The two of them stayed silent for some minutes. Magnus sitted on the couch, Alec up in front of him, his arms crossed behind his back and his head lowered in a respectful pose. A gentle breath of breeze came into the room moving the red courtains on the balcony sides. After a while Magnus cleared his throat and swallowed silently, rising his gaze toward Alec's face.

  
  


"So you need me to renew the spell, I suppose" he assumed, in the end, with a sad voice.

  
  


Alec nodded, briefly.

  
  


"I know it is cruel to ask such a thing right after such a bad news, but it is important. That demon is... is..." His voice just felt lost in the silence of the room while a shiver rose along his back. He never met that demon before, they were not allowed to get closer to him, but he heard so many horrible things about him, he felt scared just by knowing they should have fight it. "We have to stop it before it is too late." 

  
  


The way Alec said those words made Magnus rise an eyebrow. It was unusual to hear that guy so scared: if something was able to make him worry like that, it had to be something really dangerous.

  
  


“What demon is it?” Magnus asked, then, standing up.

  
  


Alec looked at him, silently, for several seconds before sigh. “We call it... Fear.” he said in a very low voice, slipping his tongue between his dry lips. “It's the only word we can use when it comes to him.”

  
  


The warlock grabbed his jacket and put it on, walking toward the door looking at Alec with a serious gaze. “Let's go then”

 


	2. Watchout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Alec and Magnus are on their way, Jace, Clary and Isabelle are trying to guard the Demon to prevent him from run away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most difficult fan fiction I've ever written and I really hope to finish it.
> 
> I'm an italian girl and English is not my first language so I apologize for any possible mistakes you could find x)

“What do we do, Jace?”

  


Isabelle's voice was terrified. Her face was pale as it never has been and her gaze was fixed on the thing behind the barrier. When they first came there that magic wall was shiny and lit up of a warm yellow light but now that shield was way darker and less sparkling. The magic left on that barrier was about to end: it was matter of minutes, at that point.

  


“We wait, Iz.” the blond guy answered, swallowing, clutching the grip on his seraphic blade. He was perfectly aware that common weapons were pretty useless against that demon, but it was a sort of habit for him. Everytime he was nervous in his battles, he used to clutch his weapons in his hands to feel stronger, more confident. “And hope to see Magnus before that wall disappears. We can't let it pass”

  


Clary didn't know what was happening. She was a Shadowhunter for a while now and she learnt a lot of things about demons but there were a lot of things she didn't know yet about them and that was why she couldn't understand the reason her friends were panicking like that. It was just one demon and exits were marked by runes: how could it leave? No. How could it survive against the three of them?

  


“Why is it so dangerous?” she asked, then, in a whisper, looking the others at her side.

  


Jace swallowed. “It's... complicated” he said sighing, slipping his tongue between his lips.

  


“Common Demons hurt people. They kill or rape or kidnap them. But this...” his voice was full of disgust and, Clary was sure of it, dread. “It doesn't kill. It likes to torture his victims. No one has never been the same after meeting him. People get grazy, lose their minds and sometimes someone just suicide after having it in their mind.”

  


Clary's eyes were wide-open and a shiver ran up her back.

  


“Truth is we don't know how to kill it. This demon can enter someone's mind just by looking at them. Just a gaze and it's inside.” Jace explained, without moving his glance from the barrier in front of him. “They just froze and they become like puppets in its hands. Empty expression, any movement... nothing”

  


“Can't we kill it while he's inside someone's mind?”

  


“Yeah, we could” Jace scoffed, a bitter grin on his lips. “But we could kill his victim either. Their minds are connected from the moment the demon is in. We kill him and we kill his victim too”

  


Silence fell on them and Clary felt suddenly nervous as much as they were. Isabelle's hands were sweaty but her grip was strong and sure around her whip. She was scared untill her bones but still she was firm and ready to fight.

  


“This is why no one succeeded in killing it. We lost three of our best Shadowhunters just to lock it up right here.” the blonde guy continued, clearing his throat. “But we can't let that thing free. We need to imprison it again or kill it.” he said swallowing, breathing deeply. “For this reason if it comes to attack me, I want the two of you to kill him.”

  


Those words fell between them like a bomb. Of course.

  


“What?!” Clary exclaimed, istantly.

  


“Don't even try, Jace.” Isabelle said, looking at him, horryfied.

  


Jace rolled up his eyes and this time there was no sarcasm in that act. “What do you want to do, then? Wait till that thing kills us one by one? Let it go out and scare the world to death?” It was so tragically ironic to use that expression since, in that case, that was the exact description of the reality. “We can't stop it without lose anyone. Have you heard what I said just a moment ago?”

  


Those words sounded definitive. Clary and Izzy already knew he was right, they knew they could not allow that monster to get out into the world. But, all the same, the only idea to sacrifice one of the others at their side was unbearable.

  


“We all are Shadowhunters, Jace. It doesn't have to be you, you know?” Isabelle said, then, looking at him, proud and fierce. “Any of us could sacrifice in order to stop that demon.” She was sure and firm saying those words and Jace looked at her with a panicked gaze on his face. The only thought that his Isabelle could die... it was impossible in his mind. She was his sister and he knew her since he was just ten. Isabelle was in every memory he had of his recent life and he could not imagine a life without her in his future. Also, he had to protect her because Izzy was -more than anything else- Alec's sister. How could he be able to look in his Parabatai's eyes if she would have died?

  


“No. No way I will let you--”

  


“She's right, Jace.” Clary stopped him, serious. “We all are Shadowhunters. We're not here to be protected. We're here to help, to stop that thing as much as you are.”

  


“Yeah, that's right. That's why I asked you to kill him!”

  
  
“No! You didn't _asked_ us to kill the demon. You _said_ you would have suicided!” Isabelle almost shouted, looking at Jace with a severe gaze.

  


“Izz--”

  


“How long since the last time I've smelled all this... dread”

  


Silence fell, abruptly, as soon as the voice vanished. Jace, Clary and Isabelle went pale in a second while their blood got colder and colder. They could feel ice in their veins, a shiver on their napes.

  


Slowly they tilted their heads toward the barrier just to notice that the barrier was gone. The magic ended and nothing more than the three Shadowhunters was there to prevent the demon to go out.

  


What they saw as soon as they looked at the demon, was something... horrible. A child. A little girl standed right in front of them, wearing a simple white dress with no sleeves. She standed on her bare feet and was looking at them with a ice cold gaze. She had curly blonde hair and two big blue eyes. A little nose on top of a pair of red lips, the same color of cherries. Her skin was pale, white as milk was while her cheeks were red and probably soft to the touch.

  


The three of them were unable to talk, they could just fix the little girl, swallowing and gripping their angelic weapons.

  


She moved, slowly, taking a step over the point where the barrier was shortly before. Her eyes were fixed on them and her glance was cold and distant. She tilted her head toward her left shoulder and spoke with an unstressed and childish voice.

  


“Mhn. Who will be the first one?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, leave a comment! :)))


	3. Gifts and curses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [...] "Oh." The little girl raised her eyebrows tilting her head toward Jace, not scared nor impressed.   
> It seemed to be just surprised. "It always starts like this." she stated with calm voice. [...]
> 
>  
> 
> (Sorry, I just suck at summaries so I just put here a quote from the chapter below x)) )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most difficult fan fiction I've ever written and I really hope to finish it.
> 
> I'm an italian girl and English is not my first language so I apologize for any possible mistakes you could find x)

The little girl stood still without moving. Her hands down to her sides, her gaze slipping from one to another as if she was deciding what cookie eat first. She could smell their emotions. She could not feel what they were feeling, she could not understand their emotions, but she could literally smell them.

  
  


No one moved, no one said a word. A total silence filled up the room and seconds kept ticking their time away. It was as if they were waiting for something to happen: no one wanted to do the first move. Even Jace looked unsure. His first instinct was to run to the demon and try to pass his blade long her throat but there was something in her eyes... something ancient and distant and cold and... horrible.

  
  


"Who will be the first one?" she asked, again, murmuring. "Maybe the blond one. He wants to fight, I can see flames behind his eyes, the desire to reach me and plant that sword through my body just to see my blood on his hands" she said with a flat voice, as if she was talking about weather or something like that instead of his own possible death. "I could please him" she stated, blinking slowly.

  
  


Jace clutched his jaw, swallowing nervously.

  
  


"Or... I could start with the ginger girl" The demon tilted her head toward Clary fixing her gaze on her.

  
  


"Don't you dare..." Jace seemed to find his usual temper as soon as the demon moved his attention on the girls at his side. His voice was a sort of a snarl and his tone was threatening: it looked like his desire to protect the two Shadowhunters beside him became stronger than the fear of that thing in front of him all of a sudden.

  
  


"Oh." The little girl raised her eyebrows tilting her head toward Jace, not scared nor impressed. It seemed to be just surprised. "It always starts like this." she stated with calm voice.

  
  


"It is too easy this way. Now I know I can stop you by hurting her. Maybe I could even kill you by killing her judging by the scared glance in your eyes." Isabelle and Clary were like two ice statues at Jace's sides. Jace, instead, was burning from the inside with rage and fury. It was hard to keep control of his emotions especially when their enemy looked so calm and relaxed in front of their eyes.

  
  


The demon took another step and got a little closer to them. She was moving slowly, at her ease, with her little feet and a chilled expression on her face. The three of them reacted at the same time in the same way, tightening the grip on their weapons and taking a step back as if they could actually protect themselves by that.

  
  


"I can't just remember how it is." the little girl said, stopping, looking at them and tilting her head now to the right, now to the left, in a very childish way. "To feel something. I can sense your emotions, I can use them, I can play with them but I can't just understand them." she explained with a calm voice.

  
  


"W-what do you mean?" Clary asked, tense, swallowing.

  
  


The Demon looked at her blinking slowly.

  
  


"I haven't always been like this, you know? I haven't always been a demon." the little girl said breathing deeply. "There was a time when I was an angel. I could... feel things. Actually I could feel too much things. I was really sensitive, I remember. And then I fell along with my brothers and I became like this. My gift was to feel other's emotions? My curse is to not feel anything at all."

  
  


She stopped talking breathing in slowly, silently, looking the three of them with a flat gaze. No one of them could say anything after hearing that story. So she was an angel... and her horrible power just was a punishment for her sins. Someway it made sense, Clary thought, shuddering.

  
  


"No. My curse is not just that. It is like..." Demon's tongue slipped between her dry lips for a second. "Imagine to starve. And then try to imagine to eat everything you can from a big buffet. There is all the food you can desire, so much food you could feel your stomach explode any moment. But everything you eat has no taste. You eat and eat and eat and it is like eating nothing. You can feel nothing in your mouths, in your throat. Or in your stomach. And you starve and try to eat and eat and eat, just to stop that hunger..." her voice faded leaving the room filled up with silence.

  
  


A cold shiver ran long Clary's back reaching her nape. If just that wasn't a demon she could have even felt pity for her. If just a ton of people weren't dead because of her she could have had mercy for her.

 

 

"So... you're just trying to feel something?" Clary tried to ask, cautious, looking at the little girl's face.

  
  


She looked at her in turn rising her head. "We can say that. But it is more than that." She paused turning her head toward Jace and Isabelle. "I've told you. I'm starving. And now I'm free to smeel all of this..." the little girl closed her eyes inhaling from her nose a scent that no one else could sense. She seemed to be ecstatic.

  
  


Those words made them shudder in horror and the Shadowhunters felt it was time. There were no other words to be said, as soon as she would have opened up her eyes, the battle would have begun and someone could have fallen in that fight.

  
  


Seconds seemed to dilate and time seemed to froze. It was always like that before a battle. That eternal moment before the end. That single istant longer than a lifetime when you think of all your regrets, of all your victories.

  
  


Clary thought of Jocelyn, of her happy and normal childhood, her days spent with Luke and Simon. She thought of her previous normal life when she just was a girl like another. But she didn't feel any remorse. She was happy to be a Shadowhunter. She was happy of her life. She never felt really complete in her past and now she knew why. Because she wasn't. She lived with a sort of veil on her eyes and she could sense that there was something missing around her and now she knew what that was. An entire world hidden under layers of magic.

  
  


She turned her head toward Jace and looked at him, silently. Clary found his eyes already fixed on her. He was scared as much as she was, she knew that. She could sense that exactly like that monster could. She couldn't know how that story would have ended but she knew that she would have done whatever was in her hands to save Jace from that... _thing_.

  
  


At last the little girl opened her eyes again. She looked right toward them and moved her gaze from one to another without saying a word.

  
  


She was choosing her first meal and Isabelle felt suddenly sick. They just were cattle for her and they could not do anything to stop her. Not without dying, at least.

  
  


The demon fixed, at last, her eyes on Jace.

  
  


"Oh. What a good smell... I wonder what there is in your little messed up mind" the demon said, wiping her lips, staring at Jace with a creepy smile on that childish face.

  
  


Jace just stiffened and a dull thud sounded all over the room.

  
  


Clary and Isabelle looked at him white as a sheet, scared to the death.

  
  


"Jace? Jace!" Clary and Isabelle asked in one voice.

  
  


The blond guy parted his lips and a trembling breath came out from them. "I'm... I'm fine" he said as pale as they were. "But... there's something wrong. I don't... I don't know. I feel..."

  
  


But they would have never know how he was feeling, because a voice rose behind them, near the entrace of the room.

  
  


"Alec!"

  
  


Isabelle was the first one to turn around. Alec and Magnus stood in front of the corridor next to each other. The warlock was worried and he was trying to shake Alec's shoulders with his strong, full of rings hands. Alec didn't move a muscle, his eyes were off and his expression was empty and absent. His arms were down to his sides, dead, and his bow did lay at his feet.

  
  


Isabelle screamed and the game began.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, leave a comment! :)))


	4. Inside his fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The demon is inside Alec's mind but the guy is not aware of that.  
> Everything is just the same as before but suddenly his world seems to fall apart under his feet...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most difficult fan fiction I've ever written and I really hope to finish it.
> 
> I'm an italian girl and English is not my first language so I apologize for any possible mistakes you could find x)

"Crap. It's out" Alec cursed pressing his lips together in a thin line on his face.

  
  


Clary, Jace and Isabelle were in front of him, ready to fight, standing between the exit of the room and the demon. Magnus was beside Alec, looking at the monster with a disappointed gaze.

  
  


"Are you serious?" the warlock said frowning, turning his head toward Alec. "Have you really called me for this? A child?" he asked, doubtly, pointing at the demon with his right index.

  
  


Alec looked at him with a very surprised expression on his face, blinking slowly e parting his lips.

  
  


"Magnus you know that demons can..."

  
  


"I can't believe that, Alec. You're four Shadowhunters and that's a single demon and you called me? I was sure you would have used work to try to fix things between us, but this is just pathetic."

  
  


There was something in Magnus voice that made Alec wince. His tone was harsh and rude and annoyed as much as his expression was.

  
  


"I came because you said that was a dangerous demon. I came to protect my people from some misterious threat and you were just fooling me? It's over Alec. Over." Magnus said with firm voice, spelling those last words to point out their painful meaning. "Get over it. Next time I see you it will be better it is a real emergency."

  
  


The warlock simply turned around and went away without any other word. He left Alec there, speechless, heartbroken, with a dull pain in his chest. Magnus has never been as cold as in that moment and he never doubted him before. The distance between them never felt so real and unbridgeable and Alec felt something breaking in his heart, in his body. Something deep, something important.

  
  


"Isabelle!!"

  
  


Jace's scream made Alec forgets about Magnus istantly. The archer abruptly turned around toward his friends just in time to see his little sister falling down. Her body was untouched but she looked lifeless. She was pale as the moon was and her hand was empty. The whip was lying on the ground while Jace was bent on his knees holding her body up.

  
  


Alec didn't realize he was running until he reached his sister. He moved unconsciously driven by concern for his sister. He felt his heart beating so fast it was hurting his chest. "Iz? Izzie!" he called her trying to touch her face with his fingers.

  
  


She didn't move, she didn't speak.

  
  


"Clary, could you lend me your steele? Maybe an _iratze_ can..." his voice wasn't firm and the gaze he turned to the girl was scared and vulnerable.

  
  


"Maybe it wouldn't have happened if you would have been here with us, fighting that thing. But no. You had to go to Magnus. We did need him, didn't we?" Clary said teasing the guy, looking at him with a severe and harsh expression. "And now Izzy is gone and Magnus is not here. Really, Alec, you've been really handy!"

  
  


Gone? Izzy was gone? No. That could not be right. She was fine just a minute ago! She was standing there, on her feet, ready to fight, beautiful as she's always been. She was alive and warm and strong as always. There was no way she could be... Alec couldn't even think that word. She was his little sister, she has always been at his side and she was the only one he could ever trust in every occasion.

  
  


Izzy has always protected him from anyone. Even though she was the youngest, even though she was a girl and she was supposed to be the one to be protected, she never let anyone hurt his big brother. She has always been a force of nature, unstoppable and untamable and Alec always looked at her with a sort of admiration and envy. She was everything he has never been and he wanted to be. Firm, sure, charming. Izzy was perfect and she could understand what was in his heart better than anyone else. Even better than Jace who was his match.

  
  


"No. She's not... She's..." his voice was a whisper, a trembling whisper while his eyes were fixed on his sister face. She was so pale... her eyes were wide-open and her lips parted, red as blood was. She has always loved that colour. Alec stroked her cheek with his hand, his thumb, unable to move his gaze. He didn't care about the demon, he didn't care about anything else.

  
  


"Clary's right, Alec." Jace tightened his grip around Izzy's body. "We are your family. She's your sister, I'm your _Parabatai_ you were supposed to be here with us. But you weren't. You were trying to chase your boyfriend instead of fighting with us. You turned your back on us" his voice was severe, rough and those words burst a dull pain inside Alec's body. He could feel his heart breaking, his side pain there where the _Parabatai_ rune was drawn.

  
  


It was like all the air in the room has been sucked it up. He was overwhelmed by an oceaon of emotions and he was just drowning in them. He never felt that way. He was losing every single person he loved all in one single moment. That was insane.

  
  


"Jace... you..." he murmured looking at him with a defenseless expression. "You know I would never leave you. I was trying yo help you... We can't fight it. We need a warlock..."

  
  


"Enough Alec! Stop making excuses! We know you were just trying to talk to him!" Jace shouted looking at him with the most angry gaze he's ever had on his face. Alec winced parting his own lips, looking at him lost and hurt. "We're not enough important to you now that you're not alone anymore, uh? We were useful when you had no one! When you had no friends and you were scared to admit you're gay, right?" Every word, every sentence was like a stab right in his heart. What he has always feared, what he always tried to evoid was happening right in that moment, killing him little by little. All the people he truly loved was leaving him one by one. Magnus, Izzy, Jace... And now he was feeling alone as he never felt. He opened his heart to those people, to his family, to his boyfriend and now they were digging into his heart to hit him there where he was most sensitive. Without them he had no one. He was alone. He lost everything.

  
  


Alec could not say a word. He was just fixing Jace with an empty gaze, his eyes full of silent tears. Izzy's face under his fingers went colder but he wasn't sure if it was her skin to be cold or his. Maybe both of them. Maybe he was dying too. Afterall how could he live in a world without Izzy? Without Magnus? Without Jace?

  
  


Jace... his brother. His friend. His parabatai. He's always been with him since they were just kids. He has always been by his side fighting with him, protecting him, helping him. He never left him alone, he never betrayed his trust. They were a single soul parted in two bodies, they were one only thing. And now everything has changed. Jace was yelling at him, Izzy was lying unconscious between them and Clary was looking at him like he was the real monster in that room.

  
  


Alec almost forgot there was a demon there, with them. He tilted his head toward it, his head was spinning, heavy and his mind was totally blank, in shock.

  
  


When he looked at the child he didn't even know what he was feeling, what he was expected to see.

  
  


The only thing he noticed was that the little girl was smiling.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I feel so guilty right now!  
> I was sobbing while writing this chapter! My poor Alec T.T 
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you won't try to kill me now x))  
> Please, leave a comment to let me know what you think about it! :)))


	5. Hear my voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus, Jace, Isabelle and Clary are trying to figure things out in order to protect Alec from the demon's attack.
> 
> Alec, in turn, is struggling stuck in his own mind, controlled by the demon.  
> He's loosening the grip on reality and he's slowly giving up the struggle.  
> Has he reached his limit?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most difficult fan fiction I've ever written and I really hope to finish it.
> 
> I'm an italian girl and English is not my first language so I apologize for any possible mistakes you could find x)

 

 

 

Magnus and Jace leaned Alec's body on the ground. He was sitted beside the entrance of the room, his back leaned on the wall. Izzy was holding his precious bow in her left hand, bent next to him, while her right one was holding his.

  
  


"He's so pale" she murmured with a trembling voice, leaving his hand to move a strand of hair from his forehead. His skin was covered in cold sweat and his eyes were wide open in an empty expression. Izzy has never seen him like this and she felt a deep terror digging in her stomach.

  
  


Everyone was around Alec, worried, while the demon stood still on her spot looking at them. She never moved her gaze from the guy, it was like she was looking right into him and basically that was exactly what it was happening.

  
  


"We have to do something. We can't let her keep going." Izzy said looking toward the others. Clary was fixing the demon as if she was guarding his friend 's sleep, while Jace and Magnus were knelt down around Alec, trying to think of something to help him.

  
  


Jace was pale as Alec was, his hand was on his hip, touching the spot where the _parabatai_ rune was drawn. "He's alive. He's still with us but he's suffering. I can sense it, he's..." his voice went out and his eyes got shut. Jace clutched his jaw and closed his hands into two fists. His fingers went white as his blood flushed all away. He couldn't express how much painful it was to sense all of his suffering. He could feel the internal struggle of his friend but he couldn't think of anything to help him out. This was about to kill him. How could he stay just like that while Alec's was in such a pain? He had to help him, he was supposed to protect him! He was his _parabata_ i and he would have gladly died rather than watching him suffering like that.

  
  


"How can we stop her if we can't touch her?" Izzy asked, sobbing, stroking his brother's hair with her trembling hand. She couldn't think of losing her big brother in such an horrible way. He wouldn't have died. He was risking to get crazy, to lose his mind because of some unspeakable torture he was silently facing in his own head.

  
  


Jace and Clary stayed quiet. Jace looked down to the ground, tightening his fists, while Clary was looking the Demon swallowing silently.

  
  


Magnus, instead, wiped his lips sighing. "If we can't phisically stop her, we should play at her own game" he said with a sad glance, looking right to Alec's face. Izzy turned her head toward Magnus' and looked at him, confused.

  
  


"What do you mean by that?"

  
  


"I will try to reach him in the same way she's doing. Entering in his mind. I will try to talk to him, to convince him that what he's living is not true, whatever it is"

  
  


Silence fell all around them, their breaths were the only sound in the room.

  
  


"Is it dangerous?" Isabelle asked, swallowing, trying to put herself together.

  
  


Magnus looked at her with a bitter smile on his lips, the glitter around his eyes pointing out the sad light in them. "I don't know. I've never been inside someone's mind together with someone else. But I'm afraid this is our best shot to help Alec fight that thing."

  
  


Isabelle looked at him, silently, stroking his brother's head. She could feel his skin wet and cold under her fingers, his body was heavy against the wall. His empty gaze made her shudder and decide what to do. "Do it, then. I know you won't hurt him"

  
  


The warlock clutched his jaw feeling a heavy burden on his shoulders. He already hurted Alec. He broke up with him, he went away from him. But... he never wanted to do that. He has never wanted to hurt his boyfriend. That has been a really hard choice to make but he took it in order to protect his own kind, not because he wanted to end his relationship with the Shadowhunter. He truly wanted to save him, he did need to know he was okay. Magnus still was in love with Alec and he would have done whatever it takes to save him from that horrible fate.

  
  


Jace nodded and looked at Magnus with a very conflicted gaze. “We got your back. We'll try to think of something to save the both of you” he said, seriously, grabbing his own side.

  
  


Magnus breathed in deeply and then moved his arms in order to put his hands on Alec's temples.

  
  


In one second his eyes changed and their ordinary brown shade turned into a yellow-green one. His pupil shrank till it became a thin black line in the middle of his eye showing his warlock mark to everyone around them.

  
  


***

  
  


Alec couldn't face Jace in that moment.

  
  


He couldn't face anyone or anything right now. He was stuck in a sort of nightmare, of that he was sure. His world had just turned upside down and nothing made just sense. In a bunch of minutes he lost Magnus -twice in less than a week!- his sister and his _parabatai_. That was something impossibile to accept, to bear. And yet the worst seemed still to come.

  
  


All of a sudden Izzy's body fell on the ground. Alec felt her skin slipping away from his fingers making him turning around to look at her. Jace wasn't holding her anymore, his arms were empty, down to his body. Alec looked at him, upset, ready to yell something about showing some respect to Izzy's body when he noticed his face. Jace was gone. His gaze was absent, his eyes empty. He fell in turn on Isabelle, his head leaning on Alec's thights.

  
  


"J-Jace?" Alec asked with no voice, his face white as a sheet and his hands unable to stay still. He was trembling, he felt his lungs searching for some air but it seemed like there wasn't any.

  
  


"JACE! JACE!"

  
  


Clary screamed, her eyes full of tears falling down on her cheeks. Her face was red, her lips open wide while she was screaming and crying and shouting all of her pain. She was desperate, her hands ran on her head grabbing her hair.

  
  


"NO! NO! NO! JACE!"

  
  


Alec wondered why was she screaming like that. How could she be strong enough to do something like that? He couldn't even move a finger. He felt just numb. His body was too heavy, too stiff. His mind was blank, every thought just slipped away in the blink of an eye. A part of him died with Jace. His body wasn't in pain, he couldn't feel anything. He was suspended in an eternal moment of... nothing. Frozen in time, unable to move on, unable to move at all. Jace... Jace left him. He wouldn't have been back.

  
  


And then... what reason he had to keep living?

  
  


"JACE! JACE!" Clary kept crying, falling on her knees, desperate. Alec could see the expression on her face turning into awareness. She stopped screaming, she stopped pulling her own hair from her head. The girl was murmuring Jace's name with no voice, just moving her lips to form that word. She repeated that name until it lost his meaning.

  
  


Jace. Jace. Jace. Jace. Jace.

  
  


Also her eyes went off but she still was alive. She was looking at Jace with salted tears slipping down on her cheeks. It took a second, to her, to rise her seraphic blade and plant it through her womb. The blood spurted out all over them. Alec could feel those crimson drops on his face, on his hands, on his hair. Those were warm and dense and they were dripping down on his skin making him shiver. Clary went pale in a couple of seconds as the blood was running out of her body, spilling over Jace and Izzy's corpses.

  
  


Alec was trembling, staring at Clary and gasping. He felt his throat closing because of a severe nausea. The smell of the blood reached his brain, pungent and ferrous. He felt attacked by that smell, he was about to throw everything up.

  
  


"Alexander!"

  
  


"No... no..." Alec whispered, unable to rise his head. That was Magnus' voice, how could he be able to look straight to his face? No. Worse. How could he protect him from that threat? If Magnus would have come closer, then he... exaclty like Izzy and Jace... No. He couldn't let it to happen. He could not save his sister or his _parabatai_ , but he would have tried to save him. Not because Magnus was more important than the others, but just because he was tired of losing the people he loved. "No!" he exclaimed with a rough voice, tears slipping down from his eyes.

  
  


"DON'T COME HERE! GO!" Alec exclaimed, taking his head in his bloodied hands. His throat was hurting, his voice came out burning him from the inside. He could not resist anymore. That was too much. He was so scared and lonley and tired... He just wanted to give up. Lay down on the ground and wait for the end. There was no point in fighting. Everything just ended for him. He lost Isabelle, his beautiful, brave and strong sister. He lost Jace, a very part of himself. He lost Clary. He could have saved her... he was faster than she was but he was too weak, too slow, too stupid to understand what it was about to happen. He just left her kill herself. His hands were full of her blood in a physical and in a platonic way. And then he lost Magnus and back to the Institute there was a war about to begin. He had nothing to fight for anymore. He lost everything. Even his willing to live on.

  
  


"Alexander..."

  
  


That voice was close. Alec could hear it directly on his ear. He rose his head and saw Magnus bent in front of him, his hands slipping on his face. The rings on his fingers were ice cold against his skin but his hands were warm and soft and kind. Alec felt Magnus' thumbs stroking his wet cheeks and saw a sweet, sad gaze in his eyes.

  
  


"M--Mag--nus..." he whispered with a small, shaking voice, looking at him as he was a miracle. He was so scared. Magnus seemed sincerely worried about him, it remembered him the time when they were together and the warlock always looked at him with love and sweetness.

  
  


The downworlder swallowed looking at his hurted Shadowhunter. He was crying, he was covered in blood and his eyes were full of pain and fear. He had never seen Alec like that before and he felt a twinge in his chest. "Alexander. Look at me. Focus on me Alexander" Magnus murmured in a low, soft voice, looking at him straight into his eyes. His voice was warm and gentle and his thumbs were brushing his cheekbones, softly. "That's not true. This isn't happening. It is all in your mind. Jace and Clary and Izzy... they're all fine. This isn't real. This is the demon."

  
  


He caught his breath and sobbed. He could not breath, he felt numb and weak and shocked.

  
  


"H-how can I..." Talking was the most difficult thing he could do in that moment, his voice was shaking and so was he. "...How can I trust you? You c-could be t-the demon too..."

  
  


That was the worst feeling ever. Alec didn't know what was real and what was not. Who could he trust to? His eyes, his ears, his senses or Magnus? And that Magnus... was he the real one?

  
  


"It's me, Alexander. It's Magnus. I entered your mind like the demon did. You know I can do it. People pay me to look things in their heads sometimes. That's what I'm doing right now. I'm digging in your mind to talk to you. To help you face her." Magnus voice was firm, sure and smooth. Alec gaze was stuck in Magnus' and he felt a certain relief warming him up as the hope that he was saying the truth came to the surface.

  
  


"You're not alone, Alexander. I'm here. We will fight her. Together" the warlock said in a low, confident voice. "You and me."

  
  


Alec felt something melting in his heart. A soft flame burnt inside his chest spreading a sweet warmth throughout all his body.

  
  


"You and me..." he whispered, slowly, nodding.

  
  


"Well. This is new." A feminine, childish voice sounded all over the room. The little girl tilted her head toward her left shoulder smiling to the two of them "It will be fun to play all together."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand here you go!  
> This chapter is over and things got ever more complicated.  
> Or maybe are they working out for the best?
> 
> Alec is not alone anymore, but Magnus is stuck in "the game" with him.  
> What's going to happen?
> 
> Please, let me know if you liked it! ^_^ ♥


	6. Can you feel me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Demon brings to life a memory from Magnus' past.
> 
> Alec and the warlock are powerless witnesses of that scene and Alec feels about to fall any second by now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most difficult fan fiction I've ever written and I really hope to finish it.
> 
> I'm an italian girl and English is not my first language so I apologize for any possible mistakes you could find x)

 

 

Alec and Magnus looked at her with a tense gaze.

  
  


The Shadowhunter felt a little bit better thanks to his boyfriend's help but he still was all messed up. His mind was suspended in a odd state of dizziness. Everything was just confused and overwhelming. He didn't know what or who he could trust and he was deeply scared of the demon in front of them. That monster broke every rules. Alec didn't know what was real and what was just an illusion, something she made up just to torture him. How could someone possibly live without knowing if what he's living is true or just a cruel lie?

  
  


Even Magnus was a wild card.

  
  


Was he real? Now he was next to him, he was worried and kind and gentle and he was trying to help him. He said he entered his mind to help him fight that thing but... could he truly believe him? The last time Alec was sure to live his real life Magnus left him. Their relations were pretty tense and the warlock even stopped to call him Alexander which he was doing right now.

  
  


So what should he believe? That that was the real Magnus came to save him, or that that was just a cruel joke of the monster to mess up his mind all over again? A little piece of peace before another storm? He didn't know, he was scared to death by that possibility. Magnus was his weak spot and everyone knew that. But somehow he couldn't help but trust the man beside him. A little part of him wanted to believe he was saying the truth, that he was the real Magnus. _His_ Magnus.

  
  


"So. Since you're here with us, Magnus, why don't we take a look into your mind?" the demon said looking straight to the warlock face, smiling with that creepy innocent smile of hers. "Shall we?"

  
  


The warlock stiffened and suddenly erverything changed around them.

  
  


The prison vanished and Izzy, Clary and Jace were gone. There were just the three of them -Alec, Magnus and the child- in a really different room.

  
  


"Where are we?" Alec asked, frowning, looking around. "Is it... a bedroom?" his voice was pretty worried and his gaze was running from a point to another of the room.

  
  


They were in a small room with an opened window in front of them. They could see the sea on the horizon and white sand on the ground outside the building. Walls were painted light yellow, full of photos and paintings while the floor was wooden, a light type. A bed was placed in the middle of the room and a wardrobe was on the wall in front of it beside a library full of books. Between the bed and the window there was an arch opening in the wall connecting the room to the rest of the house, probably. A desk was placed next to the door and papers, pens, photos, hats and a weird sort of little guitar were on it. Outside was night and a full moon was lighting up the sky filtering through the white courtains inside the chamber. The room was quite dark but it seemed to be pretty ancient: furnitures and items were very old fashioned and somehow Alec felt to be in another century.

  
  


"Yeah, Magnus, where are we?" the child asked, sitted behind them, on a furniture beside a closed door. "This is your mind. This is what you were thinking of a moment ago." she smiled tilting her head toward her shoulder.

  
  


Magnus abruptly turned around looking at her with an ice cold glance. "That's not true!" he exclaimed, alarmed and with a certain urge in his voice.

  
  


"Don't listen to her, Alexander. That's not what I was think--" Magnus tried to say, turning his head toward Alec, beside him. The Shadowhunter, though, was rigid next to him. His eyes were fixing something in front of them.

 

From the passage beside the bed, a couple of men came out. They were kissing and a soft giggling was filling up the room. One was tall, thin and with rumpled dark hair on his head. His skin was dark, brown, and his arms were lean but probably strong. He was young, he could have had twenty years at most and his lips looked hungry judging by the way he was searching the other man's skin with his mouth. The other one was Magnus.

  
  


They were kissing and gasping and giggling and their hands were running over their bodies, frantically. The unknown man took off his own shirt showing off a lean, smooth body that Magnus was impatient to explore with his fingers. He threw his shirt on the floor and kissed again the warlock's lips, pushing the downworlder on the bed behind him, following his fall with his body.

  
  


Alec was frozen.

  
  


He stared at that scene clutching his jaw, his hands were closed in two tight fists while his skin was so pale that Magnus' thought he was somehow losing all his blood from some wound he could not see.

  
  


Alec felt sick. He could not stare at those two bodies wrapped up to each other. Their legs were chained and their lips were pressed together in a trail of passionate kisses. The room was filled up with their moans and gasps and little by little the floor was covered with their clothes. Magnus seemed to be so happy that Alec almost threw up. He could see his smiles, his sparkling eyes into the dark of that room and the more he was looking at them, the more he was struggling with the desire of punching that unknown guy right in the face.

  
  


He was touching, kissing, undressing _his_ man and he couldn't help but wanting him to stop.

  
  


"Stop it." Alec's voice was a whisper, his expression was hurted and scared and desperate. "Enough. Stop. Stop it!" his words were a plea and the Magnus at his side was looking at him with the most guilty look he had ever had on his face.

  
  


"Alexander. I'm... so sorry" he said with a tiny, little voice. "You shouldn't look all of this. This is past... This is another life, something I wasn't thinking of for years."

  
  


The Shadowhunter turned his head toward him looking into his eyes.

  
  


"Is... this true?" he asked with the most vulnerable voice he had ever had.

  
  


Magnus felt a twinge in his chest and winced rising his gaze on Alec's face. "...It is"

  
  


Alec's throat tightened. He could feel a painful lack of air in his lungs, his left hand ran at his neck, like he was searching for some oxygen. His gaze came back on the two guys on the bed.

  
  


He couldn't help but look at them, at the way they were looking for each other skin, each other flesh. That was the most horrible scene he had ever seen in his entire life. He saw people die, demons kill, demons eat people. He saw the most disgusting and terrible things thanks to his Shadowhunter's nature, but that... that was far worse than anything else. Looking the man he loves kissing, stroking, hugging another person. Looking the two of them become one body only.

  
  


He could hear Magnus' voice becoming more and more loud. He could hear his moans, those he knew so well. He could watch another man stroking his skin, his face, kissing his lips, his chest. The room was full of their gasps and their groans and everytime Alec heard Magnus' voice pant, something died inside of him.

  
  


The unknown man was on top of the warlock: he was biting and sucking some point in the crook of his neck. Magnus' arched his back in response, scratching his shoulders with his black polished nails. Alec's heart skipped a beat and his eyes got darker in one second. Pleasure. He always did that when he felt pleasure. Magnus was loving that. He was tighening up his grip on the other man's shoulders to feel him closer, to better enjoy his kisses, his attentions.

  
  


Suddenly something warm grabbed his face. The “real” Magnus took his face between his hands and made Alec look in his eyes. "Alexander. I'm here. That's not me. Not the real one" he said firmly, looking straight to his eyes. No doubts or hesitation in his words, any uncertainty in his voice.

  
  


Alec looked at him trying not to look at the two men behind the warlock, trying to exclude their excited voices from his head. "But... you said that's true" Something inside his heart was bleeding. Something broke deep down his stomach and he felt like he could not believe to anyone else in the entire world. Not even himself. Everything around him could be a lie. He could not know what was real and wat was not. He was unprepared to such a thing and he felt lost and vulnerable.

  
  


"It was. In 1840." Magnus said without even blink, without turning his head, without escaping the Shadowhunter's gaze. "That guy over there was Imasu. We've been together for a while, almost two centuries ago. This has been our first night together." the warlock explained with a soft trace of pain in his voice. "This is the past, Alexander. Just a memory the demon brought back to torture us. It is not happening"

  
  


"But it is!" Alex exclaimed, pointing the bed with his right index, his eyes widen to their widest, his heart racing in his chest. "It is happening!" A weil of tears sparkled in his eyes. "It is to me. I can see everything. He's kissing you. He's tightening your waists. You're moaning, you're in him. Pushing and pushing and--"

  
  


A finger stopped his lips before they could say anything else.

  
  


"He's not kissing me. He's not tightening my waists. And _I_ ' m not touching him." Magnus clutched his jaw and swallowed silently, tightening his grip on Alec face, his fingers pressed on his cheeks, on his skin. "I'm touching _you_."

  
  


For a second everything disappeard around them and all that remained were Magnus' hands on Alec's face.

  
  


"Can you feel that?" asked the warlock, looking those blue scared eyes with all the intensity and the honesty he had. "Can you feel _me_?"

  
  


Alec stared at him, speechless. He wasn't able to move his lips, he could not speak. He was overwhelmed with fear and pain and love. He could hear the couple of men on the bed panting and gasping and moaning and releasing small pleasure screams. He could see behind the warlock their figures moving like shadows in the corner of his eyes. And even if he wasn't staring at them, even if he wasn't looking right at them, he _knew_ inside of him, that there was Magnus there, on top of the other guy's body. And that thought was killing him from the inside. He could not stand that. No one... no one had to touch him. No one could love him like he did. No one was allowed to kiss him or even hold his hands. He was his and his alone.

  
  


At the same time, though, he was perfectly aware that Magnus was saying the truth. He was right there in that moment, in front of him, holding his face in his hands. That was a memory, that was something far away in his past, something happened when Alec wasn't even born yet nor his parents were. That was real, yes, but at the same time it wasn't.

  
  


None word came out from his mouth.

  
  


Magnus breathed in, moistening his own lips. "I'm." his right hand slid long Alec's face. His fingers left a hot trail on his skin as they passed; on his cheek, on his chin, on his neck. "Touching." Magnus' hand slipped downer, on his chest, stopping there. The palm was pressing against the fabric of the shirt and the fingers were wided and well strained. " _You_." he whispered rising his gaze to meet Alec's.

  
  


Their eyes met and the sounds around them abruptly stopped.

  
  


Alec felt his heart melting in his chest, right under Magnus' touch. He could not look away, he could not move. He could just stare at the warlock eyes and feel his hand on his body, his own blood rushing in his veins.

  
  


Magnus' head got closer to Alec's and he just leaned his forehead against his. Warlock's left thumb stroke the Shadowhunter's cheek, gently, while their breaths just mixed up in the little space between their mouths.

  
  


"I'm kissing _you_."

  
  


He continued with a low, hot voice, pressing his lips against Alec's.

  
  


Alec had forgotten their last kiss. He cried a lot of times, in his room, trying to remember when they kissed the last time. He could not remember because it was something normal, until some week ago, for them. They kissed all the time, once. To wish each other a good morning, to say good work, to say goodbye or welcome back. He took for granted all of those precious kisses and he could not remember their last one. That was his biggest regret. He thought they would have never kissed again and that he lost his chance to memorize the feelings Magnus' lips were able to awake in him.

  
  


For all these reason that kiss was even more important than how Magnus could imagine.

  
  


Alec stiffened for a second, surprised, before realizing what was happening. He could feel the warlock's hand cupping his face, his lips covering his own and their tongues dancing between their mouths in a little crescendo of gasps and moans. Kissing Magnus has always been beautiful, he really knew how to do it, but that time it was different. It was painful. Alec knew that that would have been -somehow- their last kiss and he put all his feelings, his fears and his regrets in that act. He took Magnus' head in his hands, cupping his face and deepened the kiss. The Shadowhunter almost forgot what was around them in that room. What was happening in that istant, that all of that was just happening inside his head. All that mattered in that moment was memorize that moment. Cherish it in his mind forever, remember the way Magnus liked to lick his bottom lip and then bite it gently. Remember the sound of his soft groans of pleasure inside his mouth, the taste of his breaths against his own tongue.

  
  


Alec wanted to memorize it all, wanted that to last forever. But the thought that it would have finished sooner or later was breaking his heart. His lips trembled and his throat tightened. The Shadowhunter began to sob stopping their kiss and Magnus opened his eyes to look at his face. Alec was crying, softly, trying to hold everything in, falling down on his knees.

  
  


"Alexander..." his voice was low, hurt and scared.

  
  


"I... I love you" Alec sobbed, wrapping his own chest with his arms, trying to hold every piece of his heart together. "I love you so much... I can't... I can't breath..." he said, painfully, huddling. Tears were slipping down on his face, his eyes were shut and his voice was broken.

  
  


There was no trace of the Head of the New York Shadowhunter's Institute. No trace of that brave guy who hunted demons and saved people risking his own life. In front of Magnus' eyes there was just Alec as he was inside his mind. A vulnerable, fragile eighteen mortal guy with his heart totally exposed to the world. To him.

  
  


The demon was using him to kill the young Shadowhunter because, apparently, Magnus was the only thing able to do it.

  
  


Magnus was killing Alec.

  
  


That awareness in turn was able to destroy him.

  
  


The warlock bent on his knee and brought his hands on Alec's shoulders. "Alexander I--"

  
  


His voice was covered by an unexpected moan. A surprised and almost shocked one

  
  


"Uh!" the little girl said, widening her big blue eyes. "What is--..."

  
  


The demon parted his lips and brought one hand to his head. Everything around them trembled and the two guys on the bed faded away.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sooo sorry for this long pause but this chapter has really been difficult to write!
> 
> Plus I'm not totally over the season finale so I still feel pretty sad and empty x))  
> Today I decided to continue and... here you go!
> 
> I really hope you liked this chapter aswell ** I'm pretty excited and curious about your reactions or opinions and I'm also pretty impatient to write the next chapter!  
> So, as always, let me know what do you think about it by leaving a comment! I will update this pretty soon, I promise ♥


	7. I want to make a deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Alec and Magnus are stuck in Alec's mind, Clary, Izzy and Jace are trying to take care of them and think how to stop the demon.
> 
> (Sorry, I'm so bad at summaries x)) )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most difficult fan fiction I've ever written and I really hope to finish it.
> 
> I'm an italian girl and English is not my first language so I apologize for any possible mistakes you could find x)

 

 

 

 

 

Magnus didn't move.

  
  


As soon as he leaned his hands on Alec's temples, he froze, still as the Shadowhunter was.

  
  


Clary, Isabelle and Jace looked at each other with a scared gaze on their face.

  
  


"Is he in?" Izzy inquired, holding Alec's hand on her own. He was colder and colder and his skin was sweaty. He seemed to be sick and his face was emotionless.

  
  


Jace swallowed, moistening his lips, his fingers above the _parabatai_ rune on his body. "Yeah, I think he is. But... I'm afraid he's stuck inside, now."

  
  


Clary looked at him widening her eyes, panting. "Do you mean... t-the demon is torturing the both of them, now?"

  
  


Jace didn't answer. He just looked at her with an eloquent glance. Clary could perfectly see the pain in his face, the fear in his eyes. Could he feel what Alec was feeling? Could he sense his suffering?

  
  


The demon thought that in order to defeat Jace it would have been enough hurting her because Jace loved her. But she was wrong. Torturing Alec was far worse than that. Alec was, literally, a part of him. They were connected by an angelic bond and that really meant something. They could feel whatever the other one was feeling. If you hurt one of them, you hurt both of them. If you kill one you kill the other one too. They were one only soul and now, that soul, was being tortured and subjugated.

  
  


"Magnus will save him. I know he will" Izzy said, nodding, stroking his brother forehead to move some strand of hair. "He won't let Alec die"

  
  


Clary looked at her with pity. She wasn't sure at all that Magnus would have saved him. She was hoping because, in that situation, hope was all they had.

  
  


"It is getting worse." Jace was panting, his breath was shaking and he started sweating, bent on his knees. "I can't describe it but... I feel it. He's weakening..."

  
  


Izzy winced, stiff, tightening her grip on Alec's hand. Clary could see her jaw clutching and she could just imagine how scared she actually was. That was so odd... Isabelle has always been strong. Not one single tear usually appears on her face. Not a complain. She was a warrior in all the ways she could be: body and mind, heart and soul. Not even in that situation she showed any sign of panic. She looked like a wild queen, as always; who knew her well, though, could easily see in her eyes the fear and the terror she was feeling in that moment. Alec was the most important person in her life and she would have killed whoever would have tried to hurt him. Now he was being brutally tortured and she could do nothing to help him. She had to feel powerless and useless and Clary felt a wave of compassion for that beautiful, brave girl next to her.

  
  


And then, that wave became a tsunami.

  
  


Something overwhelmed her, a sort of weird feeling of... nothing. Sounds, colors, noises, everything was just fading away under her eyes and all that remained was a golden light in front of her, floating in the air. Clary perfectly knew that feeling, she already felt that way before, and she knew that that light wasn't just a sparkle. That was a rune. A new, powerful rune only she could see or draw.

  
  


A rune whose meaning was pretty clear in her mind. She never saw that before and yet, like everytime it happened, she knew inside of her what was the real meaning behind those runes. It was like those lines could express an entire concept in her mind: runes weren't just drawnings, runes were angelic words and she could speak that language like no one else could.

  
  


She focussed on that light and memorized every trait, every line so che could have drawn it later.

  
  


As the rune vanished in front of her eyes, everything came back to normal and Clary could see or hear whatever was around her.

  
  


Suddenly she knew what she had to do: she just had to understand how to do it.

  
  


She could not ask for help to Izzy or Jace. They were simply devastated. Izzy was in a sort of calm shock and Jace was trying to handle Alec's pain in his heart. They were not able to think straight, to do anything else but guarding their friends sleep. She had to do it and she had to do it alone.

  
  


So, the ginger girl, just left her seraph blade fall and walked forward, straight to the little child, head-on. Inside her heart she was scared and unsure and afraid, but she knew she was the only one able to manage the situation, able to put an end to that.

  
  


Izzy and Jace looked at her shocked, their eyes wide opened.

  
  


"Clary! What are you doing?!" Jace asked, terrified, watching her back.

  
  


The girl didn't stop until she reached the demon. Just a few steps to keep them apart.

  
  


"You're the first person in many many years brave enough to come this close to me unarmed, little girl." the kid said, looking at her, right into her eyes. It was pretty ironic to be called "little girl" by her, since she looked exactly like a baby girl, but Clary didn't mind it. She just nodded and swallowed.

  
  


"I want to make a deal"

  
  


Jace and Izzy looked each other, scared, speechless. They were unconsciously holding their breath and could not help but keep hearing what Clary was talking about.

  
  


"A deal?" the demon asked, blinking, tilting her head toward her left shoulder.

  
  


"You said you were able to feel emotions once. You complaint you can't remember how it feels, I'm pretty sure you're just envious because you can't feel anything anymore and you keep playing a game you can't totally understand. You know the rules, you know how to use emotions to drive us crazy, but you can't understand why. Am I right?"

  
  


Her voice was firm, bold, too bold considering the situation. Jace and Izzy stiffened, terrified by the possibility that the demon could badly react to those words. But the demon just rose her head and looked at Clary narrowing her gaze.

  
  


"I don't see any deal, Shadowhunter" the baby girl said, looking at her, rising her eyebrows with a sense of superiority.

  
  


Clary smirked, taking her steele from her pocket. "I can make you feel emotions again."

  
  


The demon widened her eyes for a second before burst into bitter laughters. "Are you making fun of me, little Shadowhunter?" she said as her laugh stopped. "I'm old. Much older than that warlock over there." she said pointing at Magnus, her gaze was now cold and distant. "I know what that is." -pointing the steele- "The runes you can draw with that tool can kill a demon. Did you really think I was _that_ stupid?"

  
  


"Not at all." Clary said, calm, shoking her head, gently. "But I can draw new runes. Runes no one else can draw" Her gaze was firm and sure, she never moved it far from the child. The demon seemed surprised by those words and looked at her with renewed calm.

  
  


"No one can create new runes. Only angels can" the child pointed out, fixing Clary, with cold voice. "And even though you could, I don't really know why I should care. I can not bear angelic power which means I can't bear runes on my body"

  
  


Clary smiled looking at the child holding her steele in her hand and reaching one wall of the room.

  
  


"My father experimented on me when I was unborn. He treated me with pure angelic blood which gave me some extra skill like..." her hand just moved and the steele drew on the wall the enhanced opening rune she created. As soon as the rune was complete, the wall just exploded into thousand pieces allowing a soft breeze to come in.

  
  


The demon was astonished.

  
  


"Do you believe me, now?" Clary asked, turning around toward the child.

  
  


She had all her attention while Izzy and Jace were more and more scared of what could have happened from now on. Jace was more weak than before and Izzy was about to cry watching her brothers suffering like that. She didn't know how to help them, she was scared and powerless and useless and she couldn't help but worry for Clary too.

  
  


"I do" said the demon, fixing Clary, serious. "But still you can not draw runes on me"

  
  


"What if I could?"

  
  


Everyone in the room held their breath at the same time. The demon's lips parted and her eyes sparkled with... hope? Was that hope?

  
  


"I can draw a rune which won't hurt you. A rune that a demon can bear and that will allow you to feel all the emotions you want"

  
  


The child looked at her silently, breathing slowly, thinking about those words. That was something huge, no one else in the entire world could have done something like that. She was unique and she was her only chance to put an end to her endless hunger. But...

  
  


"And what do you want in turn?" she inquired, raising an eyebrow, looking at Clary suspiciously.

  
  


"Rid Alec and Magnus from your... your... spell"

  
  


Once again the demon burst into laughs, shoking her head with a bitter expression on her face. "Sure. So as I rid them you can kill me" she laughed, bitterly, looking at Clary with an harsh gaze. "You really think to can fool me, aren't you?"

  
  


"No. I don't. But how can I trust _you_? What if I rune you and then you don't release them?" she asked, boldly, without moving her gaze from the demon's face. "I'm not stupid neither."

  
  


The demon scoffed. "Mh. _Touché_." she smiled, evily, moving some step toward Clary. "Let's put this this way: I won't rid them before you proved to me you're honest. If you rune me and I die, they die too. If you rune me and it will work then I release them: at that point I will have other things to think of rather than your friends, won't I?" the child shrugged looking at Clary's eyes. "What do you think? I think it is fair enough."

  
  


Clary swallowed. That was an hard decision. That deal was pretty reasonable even though she needed to consider that she was dealing with a demon. How much could she trust an evil monster like that? Although she was right when she said that she would have had other things to think of once she would have had her “humanity” back. Maybe she would have released them for real... maybe she was serious in that moment. Clary could not be sure of it. That was a bet.

  
  


Her gaze ran on Jace and Izzy. They were shocked and Jace was paler and paler as much as Alec and Magnus were. They had not time, things were getting worse second by second and that was the only chance they... she had to save them.

  
  


"Deal." Clary said, at last, moving back her look on the little girl face.

  
  


She smiled, satisfied, and stretched her arm toward Clary. "Well then. Better hurry up. Your friend has not much time left" she said with none shade of cruelty or threat in her voice. It was like she was simply talking about weather, as a simple fact.

  
  


Clary winced at that thought and nodded nervously.

  
  


She breathed in deeply and then she moved her steele above the demon's arm. She began to draw the rune she saw shortly earlier, sensing the child's look on her. Clary could feel her big blue eyes on her nape, staring at her like she wanted to be sure she wasn't tricking her. But she could have never done that. Even though she could have killed the demon for good she would have killed Alec and Magnus aswell that way and that was not an option. Alec was a Shadowhunter, he was ready to die to kill demons like that, to protect innocent people and Magnus was probably ready to die in order to save Alec's life, but she wasn't ready to sacrifice her friends for that. Was that selfishness? Maybe. Could be. She didn't care.

  
  


The rune sparkled on the child's forearm.

  
  


A golden light shone lighting up the whole room. The demon looked at her own arm and widened her eyes, panting.

  
  


Clary recoiled, slowly, moving her gaze from the child to Alec and Magnus, waiting for them to wake up. Izzy and Jace were speechless, Jace was barely able to breath, holding his hip with his hand.

  
  


Something was happening to the demon and for a second Clary was afraid her rune didn't work. Was sincerely afraid of overstimating her own power and convicted her friends to death because of that.

  
  


The demon blinked her eyes looking around her with a lost glance.

  
  


"Uh!" she murmured, widening her eyes, one hand on her temple. "What is happening?" she asked, panting. She was feeling really weird. Her mind was full of an odd buzz and something was growing inside of her, like a warm wave. She felt confused and overwhelmed as soon as something started prod her head.

  
  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand that's it!
> 
> You can't imagine how many energies I lose everytime I finish a new chapter x))  
> But you can't imagine how much satisfactory it is aswell!
> 
>  
> 
> I didn't expect this story to be so long to be honest, but I'm happy to see how many new things are coming in my mind day after day!  
> I really hope this chapter won't fail you :))
> 
>  
> 
> As always, comments and feedbacks are really appreciated ♥


	8. Overdose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Something sliced the air near Clary's ear. She didn't see nothing but she sensed a sort of movment, a shaking hiss which made her turned around toward the demon."
> 
> I really didn't know what to write here so I just put a quote from the chapter x))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most difficult fan fiction I've ever written and I really hope to finish it.
> 
> I'm an italian girl and English is not my first language so I apologize for any possible mistakes you could find x)

 

 

 

Alec and Magnus gasped out.

  
  


Their bodies trembled for a second before relaxing. Their eyes widened and their mouth opened to their widest looking for some air; Magnus' hands ran down on his chest, moving away from Alec's temples.

  
  


Alec began looking around, scared, his eyes full of sudden tears.

  
  


"Alec! Thank the Angel, you're back!"

  
  


In a second Isabelle was hugging him so tight Alec felt pain at his back. She was holding him surrounding his shoulders with her arms, her face hidden in the crook of his brother's neck. Alec could feel Izzy's body shaking, her breath was pretty heavy against his skin and her heart was beating so fast he could feel it through her chest. He would have wanted to hug her back and comfort her, tell her he was okay, everything was okay but... he could not. He felt overwhelmed and upset and confused. Was he really back? Why? No one survived that demon. Was it another sick game of her?

  
  


Nevertheless Izzy's body was so warm he could not imagine to be just an illusion. There was something real in that, in her desperation, in her relief, in her happiness.

  
  


"Uhm..."

  
  


He turned his head trying to watch around what was happening, tired and dizzy. His eyes met Magnus' who was panting as much as he was, looking at him. His gaze was upset and sad and tired and Alec could perfectly understand how he was feeling. But he could not stand to watch him more because inside his mind he was still hearing his pleasure moans, he could feel the taste of his last kiss on his lips. That happened just in his head and yet it felt so real he coul feel the warmth of Magnus' mouth on his own.

  
  


Alec swallowed and moved away his look, finding Jace's.

  
  


"Alec, are you alright?" he asked, promptly, panting. "I thought..." his voice faded away. He couldn't even say out loud he was scared to lose his _parabatai_. Just for a second, an istant before he came back, Jace thought he could have lost Alec forever. And now he could not describe the relief he was feeling for have being wrong.

  
  


But Alec could not answer that because something got their attention.

  
  


"I... I can feel again!" the demon exclaimed, wide-eyed. "So much happiness, so much joy! And... and... fear" she said, gasping. She was incredulous, her hands were holding her hair and her gaze was full of confusion and lights and shadows. There was something human in her eyes, something she didn't have a minute before.

  
  


She was smiling and her smile was so much different from any she showed until that moment. She was truly happy, overwhelmed with surprise and enthusiasm.

  
  


Suddenly something changed, though.

  
  


Little by little her smile faded away and her eyes got darker and darker.

  
  


Her breath became heavy and her gaze became scared and hurt. "A-ah..." she whined, breathless. "W-What have I.. d--done..." she was breathless, her words came out low and broken. 

  
  


Clary took advantage of that moment to come back to the others, bending on her knees to be sure of Magnus' conditions. He looked really upset, his eyes were full of pain and tiredness and fear. He never looked so vulnerable and she was really worried for him. The warlock looked at her with a surprised glance, he didn't expect anyone of them to be concerned about him. He nod, briefly, as to say he was fine and then he gave to her a gloomy little smile.

  
  


"What's happening, biscuit?" he asked, pointing at the little girl with a little nod of the head.

  
  


Clary gasped for a second before moisturing her lips and talk. "We made a deal. I created a rune to make her feel emotions again and in turn she rid you out of her spell. I don't know what's happening now, though... It looks like she's in pain". Effectively the little girl seemed to be suffering, folded on herself, holding her head between her hands.

  
  


Magnus was astonished. Clary's power was incredible. She used a rune on a demon without killing him: he never heard such a thing in all his long life. Plus, he could not help but look at the child in front of them. She fell on the ground, on her knees, tightening her hair, her face red and sweaty, screaming and crying. She seemed sick.

  
  


"Is that my rune's fault...?" Clary asked, unsure, looking at Magnus for answers. "Did I make it wrong?"

  
  


"Yeah. That must be your rune" he said, laconic. "And no. You didn't get it wrong. Your rune works. That's why she's like this, I guess" he sighed, tiredly.

  
  


Clary was confused.

  
  


"What do you mean, Magnus?"

  
  


The warlock breathed in, standing up, unsteadily. "I mean that she has been a sort of automaton for centuries and now her head is full of emotions and feelings. Hers and ours. She is in an odd sort of sensorial overdose. This must be too much to bear, especially considered all she did to us. We're, uh, kinda a mess right now. And she feels everything." he said, sadly, looking at Clary.

  
  


The girl widened her eyes looking at him, speeechless. "Are you saying..." she moved her gaze on the little girl on the floor. "...that she's driving mad?"

  
  


"No!" Izzy exclaimed, standing up abruptly. "She won't get away with this." her voice was firm and harsh and hard. A fiery gaze on her face, her cheeks wet from the tears she cried out shortly earlier.

  
  


Her bracelet began to move, slipping down along her wrist to reach her hand; one second later her whip was ready to hit.

  
  


"No. I will kill her. What she did is unforgivable." Jace said, standing up, inhalating deeply. "She must pay"

  
  


"Isn't she, already?"

  
  


Clary 's voice made silence fall into the room. Just the demon was screaming and yelling and crying, pulling her hair with all her strenght, some blood's drop dripping along her face.

  
  


"Clary, are you out of your mind?" Izzy asked, shocked, wide-eyed. "She tortured Alec!"

  
  


"And Magnus" Jace added, gloomy, pressing his lips in a thin line on his face.

  
  


"Yeah, and she's paying for this. Look at her." Her finger pointed the child on the floor.

  
  


Izzy didn't seem very convinced. "So? What should we do? Forgive her? Being sorry?"

  
  


"No! I'm not saying that!" she exclaimed, sighing. "I just think we shoul--"

  
  


Something sliced the air near Clary's ear. She didn't see nothing but she sensed a sort of movment, a shaking hiss which made her turned around toward the demon.

  
  


The baby girl screamed when the arrow went through her forehead. The runes on it touched the demon who started shaking and shouting desperatly untill she didn't burst into golden flames. It lasted one second only before ending, like a firework at night.

  
  


Alec was stending up, his left arm stretched, holding his bow. His gaze was ice cold, his expression severe. He didn't say a word, he didn't look at anyone around him. Everyone, though, was looking at him. Usually it wasn't Alec to kill demons... Usually he was the one to knock them out. This time, though, he didn't hesitate not for one second.

  
  


"Alec..." Izzy whispered, worried, while her whip was returning at its original form.

  
  


"I'm fine. Mission complete" he said, serious, breathing in. "We can go"

  
  


"Alec." This time it was Jace to call him. "You're not fine. I can feel it, you know it. Our bond doesn't lie" he said touching his own rune over the clothes he had on.

  
  


The archer swallowed, turning his gaze away, without saying a word.

  
  


"We're here... if you need it. We just want you to know, we're here."

  
  


Alec breathed in deeply, moisturing his lips. He could not look at them, he was too upset to do it. All he needed was peace and silence and calm. He needed to rest, he needed to feel safe because in that exact moment he just felt unsure and scared.

  
  


"I just want to go home" he said, at last, turning his back and walking away.

  
  


Izzy tried to follow him but as soon as she moved her first step, Alec ran away fading from their sight.

  
  


"Let's all go to the Institute. He will be there. And we all need some rest" Jace sighed, at the end, sadly, wrapping Izzy's shoulders with his left arm.

  
  


Isabelle leaned her head against his brother's crook of the neck and then nodded heading the group to the tunnel.

  
  


Clary turned her head toward Magnus. The warlock was patently exhausted, he had to be out of his magic.

  
  


"C'mon, Magnus. Come with us. I'll help you out" she murmured, softly, slipping her right arm under Magnus' left one.

  
  


He looked at her with a melancholic but grateful gaze, gladly accepting her help. He gave her a bitter smile and then he nodded, heavily.

  
  


They left the room walking through the hole Clary opened in the wall with her opening rune.

  
  


*

 

"Alec, please. Try to eat something"

 

Izzy was in front of his brother's room, sighing, holding a dish full of a weird yellow mush. Jace, beside her, bit his bottom lip.

 

"She didn't cook it, I promise. It is safe to eat it" he added, trying to joke in the hope he would have appreciate that.

  
  


But no one responded.

  
  


Clary and Magnus came there after a while. Magnus was weak and tired and drained of his magic and Clary had had to help him walk there.

  
  


"Is there a gathering?" she asked, confused, looking at the number of people outside of Alec's door.

  
  


Izzy looked at her, worried. "No. We're trying to talk to him but he doesn't want to answer. I brought some food but he's not coming out anyways"

  
  


Magnus sighed rubbing his eyes with his right thumb and index.

  
  


"He needs space. He saw... awful things. He needs time"

  
  


"But we don't want him to think he's alone. Whatever he saw it was just some cruel trick. It's over, he's safe here..." Jace said, concerned, looking right to Magnus' face.

  
  


"It's... more complicated than that" he was simply exhausted. He could not say to them that what Alec saw wasn't entirely a lie. He saw something real, something he wasn't supposed to see, especially not now while they were apart.

  
  


Izzy, though, wasn't famous for her patience and simply left the dish into Jace's hands. "Oh, fuck off, I don't care. I'm going in" she snorted before to kick the door down and enter the room.

  
  


An empty room.

  
  


 

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter is gone!!  
> But where's Alec? What happened to him?
> 
> If you want to know, keep reading! :D  
> As always, comments and opinions are always appreciated :*


	9. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is gone and no one back at the Institute knows where he could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most difficult fan fiction I've ever written and I really hope to finish it.
> 
> I'm an italian girl and English is not my first language so I apologize for any possible mistakes you could find x)

 

 

 

 

"Where is he?" Izzy asked, concerned, looking around into the room.

  
  


The bed was untouched and the window was still closed. Everything was in order and there was no trace of Alec's clothes or weapons. It was pretty obvious no one came in since that morning.

  
  


Jace, Clary and Magnus entered the room, slowly. That was Magnus' first time in that place. He started glance around trying to capture every sign of Alec in that room. But everything, in there, was speaking about him. There was his usual maniacal order and his dark casual style. A simple desk with only a diary, a lamp and a penholder on it, a wardrobe containing -probably- a few clothes, and a big closed window with dark curtains. That was it, nothing else around exept.... for a photo. On the bedside table there was a silver frame and two guys were smiling from there. A tall muscled runed one and a shorter one with black hair stood up in spikes. The first guy was hugging tight the second one, his arm wrapping his shoulders from behind, pressing his back against his own chest.

  
  


"Not here, apparently" Jace snort, clutching his jaw, powerless.

  
  


Izzy looked at him with a cold gaze, tightening her lips. "You don't say!"

  
  


"I try to track him" Jace said reaching the wardrobe. He opened it and took an old Alec's shirt activating, one moment later, his tracking rune connecting it to the clothing. The shirt lightened up but Jace could not feel anything from it. No directions, any information. "Shit, Alec" he cursed, silently, throwing the shirt to the ground, testily.

  
  


"What? What is it?" Izzy asked, worried, reaching him.

  
  


"I can't feel anything. He must've activated an anti-tracking rune. He doesn't want to be found" he sighed, bitterly, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. "At least I know he's okay. I mean... he's sad, he's upset, but he's not injuried."

  
  


"But... where did he possibly go?" Clary asked, concerned, looking at them.

  
  


Magnus felt simply exhausted. No one really cared but he has been tortured as well and even if he was emotionally stronger than Alec, he suffered too. That... thing has been brutal for both of them; Magnus was old and he lived for centuries learning how to bear pain and loss and sorrow. He could stand tortures better than a eighteen years-old guy but that didn't mean he was immune to pain. That has been a great challenge to him and he felt broken. Even if he didn't want to show any of that, he was still upset and overwhelmed with fear and displeasure. He was simply tired and he just wanted to leave. He didn't even know why he was there and in those conditions there was nothing he could do to find Alec. Especially when the guy didn't want to be found. He needed his spaces, a little bit of loneliness and Magnus could perfectly understand that. He sighed softly, without making a sound, tilting his aching neck. It was late and it was obvious he could not rest there. It would have been better go home and...

  
  


"Home" the warlock said, suddenly, parting his lips, his eyes opening a bit more. "He said home"

  
  


*

  
  


It has been difficult to convince Jace and Izzy to stay at the Institute. They wanted to come along with the warlock to be sure Alec was effectively there but Magnus didn't agree; if really Alec would have been at the loft, then probably he didn't want to stay with others in that moment or maybe he just did need to talk to the warlock about what happened in their minds. Whatever it was they need to be alone.

  
  


In the end the downworlder convinced them to stay; if Alec wouldn't haven been at the loft he would have texted them, otherwise they just had to left the both of them alone solving their issues.

  
  


Reluctantly, Jace and Izzy accepted Magnus' conditions and left him go alone.

  
  


Now the warlock was in front of the entrance of his loft. He was nervous and he didn't really know what to expect once he would have opened the door. Magnus swallowed and stood there looking in front of him the black polished wood, clutching his jaw. He inhaled deeply moisturing his lips shortly after, ready to face whatever it would have come.

  
  


As soon as he opened the door, the first thing he noticed was that nobody was there; well, nobody except for Chairman Meow. The cat was folded on himself on the couch, sleeping, moving his tail lazily. A breath of breeze entered the room filtering the black curtains slipping on Magnus' neck. The warlock scoffed, moped, closing the door behind him. He walked in reaching the middle of the room, taking off his jacket and letting it fall on the couch next to the cat. There was silence, no sounds around him but the thud noise of traffic coming up from the balcony in front of him. Everything was exactly like he left it when he left that morning: Alec was not there and that awareness made Magnus deeply sad. Now he was even more worried than before. He didn't know where the Shadowhunter could be and in those conditions who knew what he could have done...

  
  


Magnus took the phone from his pocket, ready to text Jace to warn him that Alec wasn't there, walking up to his bedroom. When he got there, though, he put his phone back.

  
  


"I don't know why I'm here."

  
  


Alec was sitted at the foot of the bed, looking straight to the wall in front of him, expressionless.

  
  


"I was running to come back from the prison and the next thing I remember is Chairman Meow rubbing his head against my leg." he said calm, in a low voice, his bow leaned on the bed next to him, his quiver on his back.

  
  


Magnus nodded, silently, walking in toward the Shadowhunter.

  
  


"Do you want to talk?" inquired the warlock taking his seat on the bed, the bow between the two of them.

  
  


"No"

  
  


The downworlder inhaled heavily, playing with his rings nervously, putting them on and off from his fingers. They stayed quiet, sitted next to each other, without talking; Alec was looking the wall in front of him, Magnus his hands. That was a really delicate moment and he knew that the young guy was at his most vulnerable state. He had to be careful and trying to help him overcome that experience even though he was hurt and shocked as well.

 

"I should go" Alec said, after a while, swallowing silently. "But back at the Institute there are Jace and Izzy and I can't talk to them. I can't watching them without thinking..." his voice faded away, it was tired and low and rough. Alec closed his eyes sighing heavily, bringing Magnus to feel a wave of different emotions.: compassion, sadness, comprehension, love.

  
  


It was heartbreaking looking at him and seeing the pain inside his eyes, inside his voice as much as it was to notice that Alec didn't look at him not even once.

  
  


"You can stay here" the warlock proposed, softly, turning his head toward Alec.

  
  


The Shadowhunter seemed to be hurt by that; he lowered down his head opening his eyes, looking his own shoes. "I can't look at you neither." he admitted, sadly. His voice was shaking, his gaze was hurt and scared and Magnus' felt his heart bleed hearing those words.

  
  


"Alexander..."

  
  


"No. Don't call me that." the young boy said bringing his hands up at his head. "This morning I was Alec. We're not in that nightmare anymore"

  
  


Magnus lips parted and the warlock looked at him, lost and guilty.

  
  


"I can't stop thinking at the two of you on that bed. I can't stop watching that in front of my eyes. As I close them I'm there again, powerless, looking at you and that man, my hands wet of Clary's blood..."

  
  


Something broke. Alec's cold mask was fading away and little by little he started showing his real feelings; his voice was broken, his eyes full of tears and his body was shaking more and more. Magnus didn't know what to do. How could he help him out if he's the reason why he's hurting that much?

  
  


"Alexan--..." Magnus stopped as he saw Alec wincing at hearing that word. "Alec, none of that was real. Clary is alive. Jace and Izzy are fine. And I..." he was tired. He was scared to say the wrong thing, to hurt him more now that he was at his weakest. "...I'm here now. That wasn't real you--"

  
  


"It was for me!" Alec shouted, turning his head toward the warlock, upset.

  
  


"I could see you, I could hear you. And that _happened_. For real. That was not just a nightmare: that was a memory, something you actually did!"

  
  


"In the past! I lived for centuries, you knew you were not the first one..."

  
  


"Yeah, and I won't be the last neither!"

  
  


Magnus stiffened, speechless, looking at the guy in front of him. Alec was totally upset, overwhelmed; the walls he built up to hide his inner torment was coming undone and everything was coming out, in plain sight.

  
  


Alec shook his head, lowering it down, as tears began dripping out.

  
  


"Please... Please... go" he cried, broken, trying to hide his tears from Magnus' sight.

  
  


The warlock felt suddenly empty, hit by guilt and concern and tiredness.

  
  


He nodded, silently, unable to talk and he left the room closing the door behind him with a simple flick of the wrist.

  
  


He was too tired to do anything else; before finding Alec he wanted to take a bath. Take a boiling hot bath, eat something, drink a cocktail and just let the body rest on his bed. Now there was nothing more he wanted than fall on a chair, on a couch and pass out. Magnus came back to the living room and took his phone from the pocket. He sent just a short message to Jace before falling down on the sofa and lean his head back, robbed of strenght.

  
  


He felt his heart heavy, hurt and his throat tightened. He could not breath, he could not think. He was exhausted and tired and sad and empty. Alexander was in his room and yet he was far far away from him. He would have wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to reassure him telling him that he loved the Shadowhunter more than anything else in his life. But he could not do that; they broke up. He left him in order to be a better leader for his people and even though he loved him from the very bottom of his heart, he could not come back from that decision.

  
  


Magnus sighed, unbottoning the first bottons of his shirt trying to breath a bit better, his body abandoned on the couch, and some little tear falling down from his eyes. Glitters and make up dripped out on his face and he didn't even care. Too tired to do anything else, he just stayed there, quietly, until tiredness took over and he simply fell asleep.

  
  


A deep, dreamless sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm suffering so much ;___;  
> I can't stand the two of them fight!
> 
> Even though I can understand both of their point of view, but still it hurts so much because they love each other and they're just meant to be.
> 
> I really hope you liked this chapter as much as the others before and I'll wait for your opinions below ♥
> 
> Ps: Icylightning, I don't really know why but I can't reply to your last comment. I tried three times to answer to you but I just can't post my words x33   
> Anyway thanks for it, I appreciated that really really much ♥

**Author's Note:**

> Looking for comments and opinions! ^_^ ♥


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